I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
