i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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