Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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