This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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