i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
