The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
