I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
