This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
