Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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