I wish they made helmets for livers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
