My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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