Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
