I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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