i just sent this text using only my big toe
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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