is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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