you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize