so that wasnt chicken after all
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
