Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
