There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
