Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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