he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
