And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
