blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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