last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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