I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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