dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
