So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
