Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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