fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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