he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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