drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
