i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
