that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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