wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize