need another drink. this is the easiest way
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
