Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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