before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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