I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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