D3 body, D1 cock
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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