Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
