? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
