its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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