Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
