To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
