I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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