Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
