eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
