You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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