He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
