bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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