Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
