I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
