He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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