just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
