You made me cry and you don't even care
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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