i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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