Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
