How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
