OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think my vagina is haunted
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
