Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
