with your own penis?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
