I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
