This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
