your thong is hanging out like whoa
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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