You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
