Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
