Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
